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School age kids are wonderful creatures, filled with curiosity about
the world around them and enthusiastic about experiencing new things.
As a mom I know that along with that unbridled excitement also comes
challenges, some more severe than others. If that sounds like your
current focus as a parent, let's take a look at behavior problems
in school age children and what we can do about them.
Moderate to severe behavior problems in school age children
can include the following:
- Refusal to cooperate around the home.
- Rudeness and vulgarity; back talking.
- Misbehavior in school ranging from poor grades to missing
homework, to fighting with peers.
- Lying.
- Manipulative behavior. (See this useful article on manipulation.)
- Extreme selfishness.
Of course, this is only a sampling of parenting challenges amongst this
age group of kids.
What do you do if your school age child exhibits one or more of these
behaviors?
First of all, take a deep breath. You are not alone! When it comes to
parenting, we all have our tough times. It simply comes with the
territory. Our kids come to us needing to be raised, and that takes
creativity, courage and old-fashioned hard work. So if you are feeling
isolated as a parent, I would encourage you to seek out other parents
whom you admire, who are farther along the parenting road than you are,
and ask them to mentor you a bit. Doing that one thing will lift your
burden tremendously.
Next, start educating yourself. Parenting doesn't come with an
instruction manual, as the saying goes, but there are lots of
excellent
resources available to you once you start looking for them. Think about
what your values are and what kind of adult you would like your child
to be someday and those things will guide you as you do your research.
Just learning about normal childhood development will help you see that
growing up is tricky for your child and he is looking to you for
guidance and leadership. Some behavior problems in school age children
stem from a feeling of being out-of-control or unlistened to. Your
child is yearning to be special in your life so you may discover you
need to make changes in your schedule that will accommodate building a
deeper relationship with your son or daughter.
Behavior problems in school age children can respond to a
systemic approach of parenting.
A system is something that is consistent and dependable.
Something that allows you, as the parent, to measure your results to
ensure you are heading in the direction you want. If you think that
sounds complicated, really it's not. It is simply a different way to
look at some very reliable tools that families have been using for
years, but to use them intentionally instead of in an unfocused manner.
For example, if you are dealing with the problem behaviors of rudeness
and disrespect from your school age child, obviously in the moment you
must not tolerate unacceptable behavior. But instead of moving from one
difficult moment to another with your child, start cultivating a strong
family environment. Do you utilize dinnertime in your home? How often?
Does everyone get a chance to speak? Take a look at my weekly dinner menus page
and consider what you can do to make this time regular and
non-negotiable in your home.
Add to that a regular family night filled with board games or bike
rides. Develop a hobby that involves the whole family. Do chores
together on Saturday mornings. Worship together as a family each week.
These are the types of activities that done over time, give a child an
important place in the family and helps a child to understand that
rudeness and disrespect are not only unacceptable, but they are
unnecessary.
Behavior problems in school age children can be signs to you, as a
parent, that changes need to be made. Listen carefully to your
children, to what they're NOT saying as well as what they ARE saying.
Get involved in their daily lives. Strengthen your relationship with
them. Give yourself the resources you need to be the best parent you
can be.
Believe me, your family is worth all you invest into it.
Want more information? See this useful and related article: Masters of Manipulation:How Kids Control You With
Behavior.
Related articles:
What to do with a child with very
serious behavior problems
Consequences in elementary
school for bad behavior
Common behavioral problems in
children
Teenage behavior modification
Behavior modification in children
Behavior modification strategies
Disclaimer:
Remember, I am giving you my thoughts as a long time parent, not as a
therapist. This website does not dispense professional, medical, or
legal advise.
Please consult a qualified professional about your own situation.
Colleen Langenfeld is a mother with over 25 years of parenting experience and helps other busy moms at http://www.paintedgold.com.
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