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Behavior Modification in Children
What is your child's behavior telling you?
- I'm angry.
- I'm frustrated.
- I hate you.
- I won't listen to you.
- You don't like me.
- I know better than you.
- I don't understand.
- I wish everyone would leave me alone.
Do you long for your child's behavior to say these things instead?
- I need you.
- I know you care about me.
- I am glad you are my parent.
- I can trust you.
- I love you.
You may be able to see your child needs behavior modification,
chances are your child does not. Child behavior modification never
works without the child's cooperation in some form. Owning their part
in the process is a must! (Click here for a great article about acting
out.)
Getting a kid to do that is more than a little tricky, isn't it? I
think we all understand we can't force change on another person.
So what do we do?
Watching our precious children spiral out of control is heart
wrenching. Our family being torn apart was never a part of the plan!
Well, if we can't make the behavior modifications in our children we
know need to be made, can we do something ourselves?
==> My experience says, yes we can. But Mom, you
need to know, there are no guarantees when it comes to parenting. I
like to view parenting as extending my influence to my children, but
control? No such thing.
So modifying our children's behavior might look a little like this:
- Child acts out.
- Parent stops and thinks, deciding upon response (not reaction!)
- Parent uses specific language designed to cool off and influence
the situation - not inflame it.
- Parent walks away.
- Child thinks about it and complies.
- As the saying goes, rinse and repeat.
Now, obviously this presentation of this method of behavior
modification in children is a tad simplified. And truly, if this is a
new
way of behaving for you, it will take practice. I know I've had to be
patient in our home as I learned better techniques. But it was very
exciting when these ideas worked. Not to mention a huge relief!
So give it some thought. Consider the changes you'd like to see happen
your homelife. Do some research on what you can do as the parent in
your own home to influence change. Remember, you have total control
over your own behaviors. That's great news!
Maybe they should call child behavior modification, parental
behavior modification instead. I know this idea has worked for me,
in my own parenting.
For a useful and related article, see Managing the Meltdown
Related articles:
What to do with a child with very
serious behavior problems
Consequences in elementary
school for bad behavior
Common behavioral problems in
children
Behavior problems in school age
children
Teenage behavior modification
Behavior modification strategies
Disclaimer:
Remember, I am giving you my thoughts as a long time parent, not as a
therapist. This website does not dispense professional, medical, or
legal advise.
Please consult a qualified professional about your own situation.
Colleen Langenfeld is a mother with over 25 years of parenting experience and helps other busy moms at http://www.paintedgold.com.
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