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The Real-Life Damage to Your Family When Kids Won't Pick Up Their
Stuff.
Note: as a guide, this article is useful for approximate ages 3
years through 12 years.
If you are looking for chore charts and other printable charts to help
guide
and mold your child's behavior or attitude, that's a very smart idea.
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| You can light your
family's way with a solid daily routine tied into wisdom and
excellence. |
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However,
many parents underestimate the importance of helping their
children effectively navigate through the inevitable and normal daily
routine of
growing up. A lot of parents feel that things like chores are trivial.
Nothing could be farther from the truth.
The observant parent sees the everyday activities such as getting
their child to pick his clothes up, put away his toys, make his bed,
take out the trash, and all the other chore chart tasks for exactly
what they are; a way to build
character, stability and maturity into their growing child. Which in
turn will influence the peaceful and happy environment in their home.
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Chore Charts Audio
Are your parenting efforts yielding beautiful results? Click on the
field of red flowers and listen to the secret of smooth-running
families.
(Don't forget to turn
your speakers up.)
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Of course, the opposite approach is also true. NOT training your child
in this way can potentially mean you are creating a future homelife you
won't want any part of. That's where the damage can come in.
Here's what gets taught - or caught - in a family life, whether we like
it or not.
Kids who are required to care for their personal
belongings more readily develop respect for other people's property,
too. It just makes sense to them: if they value their
own possessions, then others' possessions are valuable, too. Their
respect does not develop in a vacuum but is instead extended to those
around them.
Want a trashed house and always to be fighting over broken stuff?
Refuse to hold your kids accountable for their own possessions.
It's hard to trust people who do not take personal responsibility for
their actions. You've met folks like that, I'm sure. Now, imagine
living with them.
Chores are an excellent way to teach personal
responsibility to your kids. But the key lies not in assigning the
chores, but in enforcing the completion of the tasks and the quality of
the job done.
Your child not respecting
authority should be like a
huge red stoplight in your life.
Everything should STOP
until you
figure out
what the problem is
and what to do about it.
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Your children will learn how to respect authority figures by respecting
you, their parent. That's how life is set up. There is no way to get
around this. If your child is having struggles respecting the other
authority figures in her young life (teachers, babysitters, coaches,
etc.), the first place to look is at the way authority is handled in
your home.
I'm not talking about being a tyrant. Respect must be earned and you,
as the
parent and leader in the family, must earn it! Again chores
and household tasks are an excellent vehicle you can use to teach that
everyone in a family has an important part to play.
Beware Mom: if you are
being a pushover in your home, you are in danger of raising
a tyrant.
Obedience has taken on a negative connotation in our modern day world
and it's time to reclaim it for its proper use. Obedience is a healthy
and vital part of a productive, mature life. We ALL must submit
ourselves to authority (see above) on some level. Sometimes that
authority is even ourselves! That's called self-control.
Your children will learn this crucial concept under your leadership. Or
they will learn to disregard it under your leadership. Your choice. A
chore chart on the fridge can be a reminder of many things to a child,
one
of which is that he or she must answer to someone in charge over them.
You, mom, are the benevelent dictator in your home. You must learn to
lead with love and firmness. Your kids are counting on you!
After raising four kids of my own (three of whom are already adults), I
am convinced: a kind child is one who understands and accepts their
valuable place in the world. A family is a perfect place to introduce
and practice these truths. Through the daily tasks of household
management, kids learn how to get along with people different than
themselves, even when competing needs and wants arise.
Case
in point. Who often has the most difficult time adjusting to life in a
college dormatory? The kid who hasn't had to do any chores at home.
Kids from families where chores were expected and required are
equipped to be more flexibile and put on a good face even when they
don't
feel like it. Choreless students simply haven't had to practice those
concepts on a daily basis in close quarters before. And that makes
their first adjustment to adult life more difficult, not only for
themselves, but for those around them. (And they may even find that
their dorm roomies draw up a chore chart or two in an attempt at order
and a more home-like environment.)
Do you want your kids to still be living at home when they are in their
30's and 40's? While there are extraordinary circumstances where this
option is the right one, most of the time this is not what you are
looking forward to as a parent!
==> Want your kids to grow up helpless and dependent? Do
everything for
them as children; don't make them do any chores.
Make their beds for them - they're busy..
Don't let them help in the kitchen
(they might make a mess, anyway).
Do their laundry for them - it's so much easier.
Make their lunches, pick up after them, let their homework slide, toss
away shirts that need a new button, and don't expect them to vacuum or
sweep a floor.
They're pretty fragile, you know. They're only kids.
Trust me, they will whine like babies when someone asks them to do any
of these things as an adult. Trust me again, they'll be whining at YOU
when
you get tired of doing these things for them when they're an adult.
-- Enjoyable
evenings with your kids.
-- A household running like a
well-oiled machine.
-- Family members courteous and
respectful towards
each other.
-- The frequent sound of laughter
ringing through your home.
-- Abundant, daily hugs from
your
kids and to your kids.
-- Kids who are proud of their
accomplishments
and parents who are proud of their kids.
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Sounds good, doesn't it?
It's the picture of a homelife that's absolutely possible, but which
doesn't "just happen". This homelife is intentionally created
through hours of devoted effort by loving parents. To be clear, not
parents who
automatically know everything. Instead, parents who
consciously strive to learn more about their parenting responsibilities
each day and want nothing more than to guide their children into a
healthy, productive adulthood and are willing to make necessary
sacrifics to do so.
That scenario is hard work. And worth every effort.
** When you refuse to enforce reasonable
rules in your home,
like everyone
picking up their stuff, you set your family on a path. It is NOT a path
that leads to harmony.** 
- The Responsibility Factor
Not your kid's. Yours.
If you don't teach your kids to be responsible in the hundred little
ways everyday around your home and at their school, it's not their
fault. It's yours. Kids are not born being respectful, honorable,
disciplined, motivated, obedient, or selfless. Quite the opposite. They
desperately need your help. In fact, they crave your help, mom.
No one
has the power of influence like you do in their young lives. Don't
throw that away.
Use all the tools you can get your hands on, from a
printable free chore chart to
organized and common sense parenting
systems.
Work with mentors, join faith communities where families are valued and
nurtured, look for other families whose values you agree with and work
together to help each other with all the little intricacies of life.
This is your number one job. Your kids are counting on you. Don't let
them down.
- Consequences - It's Not What You Think
In this world, the profound law of sowing and reaping is as unstoppable
as gravity. You probably already know that allowing your children to
experience the natural consequences of their actions, within reasonable
limits, is an important part of parenting.
But do you do this? Or do you feel compelled to protect your children,
just this one more time?
Here's the truth. You can't stop the law of consequences. If
your kids
don't learn self-control when they're small, they have a good chance of
being
out-of-control teens down the road.
Do you want an out-of-control teen in your home?
Do you want the yelling? The talking back? The slamming doors? The fear
of where they are and what they're doing? Wondering if they're even
coming home?
Is that the homelife you are looking forward to having with your
teenager some day?
Now is the time to make a difference in your young child's life. You
cannot control another human being, but you DO have tremendous
influence that you have an obligation to use to help your children. Do
everything in your power to instill in them excellence as early as
possible.
| Turn off the TV and the Ipods. Play
board games together. Clean the
house together. Cook your meals together. Show them how to care for
themselves, the ones they love, and their community around them. Teach
them how to stand up for themselves. Teach
them what's worthwhile to believe in. |
- You can do it. You are the Guardian of the Future in
your home. This isn't silly or unimportant. This is why you have
children.
I know you can do this. I've met all kinds of moms and all kinds of
kids. You can do this.
And the good news is, you can start today.
Researched resources to help you get the job done.
- Positive
Parenting
-- a great way to learn about a simple parenting system based on
love and boundaries. Study it, then customize it for your own use.
Colleen Langenfeld is a mother with over 25 years of parenting experience and helps other busy moms at http://www.paintedgold.com.
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